"L". Now what could that stand for? With all the nouns and adjectives in the English the language the possibilities can go on forever, but for me, for this blog post, it stands for one crucial part of me and my life. It's a bit personal compared to my other posts so far, which I feel is a good thing because I believe over half of writing is who you are and what you feel. So try to keep an open mind as I explain the L word that has altered my writing more than I imagined it could.
L stands for "love": A huge part of our life is love, especially in our teen years. We all crave for the affection of others, especially from one person in particular. The person who's love we want more than anything else. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's just how I've been affected, but falling in love has not exactly been my friend when it comes to writing. The chase drove my mind wild with perfect endings. The rejection caused heartache that burst into flames and a million poems of pain. The back and forth tag game never let me stop wishing and wanting. I wrote all of that out, I projected everything I was hoping for on a piece a paper. All I could do was imagine the "what if"s and feel the pain when none of that happened. Which sounds quite terrible, and trust me those were some of the worst feelings I have ever experienced, but it was pure inspiration for some of my most incredible work. So now my "problem" (I put in quotes because in hindsight it really is not a problem)... I've fallen in love. True love, real love. Love that isn't tag or a crazy chase. I've caught her, and though there are still incredibly hard times and a bit of heartache, the love is there. Even in doubt, that love is there. Ever since I've fallen in love like this my writing just hasn't been the same. It had made me realize I live off of my own grief and pain, that fighting through all that darkness was what made my writing bright. Yet with love, there is always a shining light.
Recently I've realized this more. At first I was actually upset, just a little bit. It bothered me knowing I wasn't writing as well as before. It bothered me even more that sadness and depression had so much control over my inspiration. You know what though? I have decided to fight that. Yes great ideas come from the struggle of sadness, but you know what? Even greater ideas can come from love. Just the other day I began writing again, which I had missed so much. It was awkward at first, finding the words again, finding myself and the drive, but I did. And so far it really isn't that terrible at all.
Love. Finding it can throw you off, sometimes in more ways than one. Maybe writing isn't as easy as it was before. Maybe feelings doesn't come rushing out. But honestly, having the mind set and sensibility to stop and re-examine my work is more helpful than hurtful. At first what seemed like an ironic curse has shown me that once you are fully in the light, you can appreciate the beauty in the darkness while moving forward.
And despite how much I passion for writing; if I had to choose between my love for it and the love of my life... I'd rather be standing in the sunshine.
